My journey to b school
- Alicia
- May 14, 2021
- 14 min read
This isn't going to be my usual type of review post. I've spent the last...19 months (holy shit) of my life wandering through my mental state's equivalent of the Fellowship’s journey through Middle Earth with the goal of coming out on the other side with an acceptance to business school, all while moving across the country. So I'm pretty tired. My brain's been through a lot, and this is probably one of the hardest things I've done for myself so I want to reflect on it. (For all the rude people out there: I know moving homes and struggling to apply to graduate school is a privileged problem to have. I’m just saying it’s been tough for me. Don’t @ me.)
Me, looking back on my application process:
Note: I’m honestly not sure how to rate anything in this post but I will try for the sake of us being a rating site. Skip to the end of each section for my ratings/learnings I guess?
The Fellowship of Forté
Now that I've started with the LOTR references, I'm just going to keep going lol. Put on the extended edition soundtrack y'all, it's going to be a long ride.
Flashing back to 2019, life was simpler for all of us. We were going outside, meeting with friends, traveling the world. Life was good. I had just started doing some light research into business schools and attended a few events, which led me to the Forté Foundation's MBALaunch Program. It's a pre-MBA prep program that costs like $500 but gives you application fee waivers to various partner schools if you get in and complete their 10-month program. It seemed like a pretty good return on investment as long as I planned to apply to more than two schools, which I did because MBA application fees are INSANE. Remember college when you paid like, $75 on average for an application? MBA applications are like triple that 💸.
What was cool about Forté is they introduced me to a number of cool resources like admissions consultants (who offer discounts to participants!) and a group of women in the Bay Area who were also applying to business school. It was like having a support group you can meet with to study for the GMAT together or vent about application frustrations. Anyone who knows me knows I am all about the support group life. I love small group meetings, dinners, chats, you name it.
In January 2020, I told myself I would start studying for the GMAT after a particularly horrendous practice GMAT score. Before this practice test, I stupidly thought that I was a good test taker because I've basically coasted my whole life. That was a harsh truth for me to face: that maybe I'm not actually smart, I just had it easy in life. So I was pretty crushed by my abysmal practice score. However, I'm a master procrastinator, so no amount of self nagging and calendar reminders could get me to sit down and study. When March rolled around, I was no closer to understanding number properties than when I took my practice test.
Then COVID happened. Transitioning to working from home was cool at first because my commute was now 30 seconds and I didn't have to wear pants anymore, but then a month went by and I hadn't left my house. It's kind of crazy how the lack of physical interaction with people really fucked me up. I've always known I display symptoms of anxiety and depression, but I got really anxious and depressed. Like, I was crying constantly and couldn't get out of bed most days. It felt like I was living in a fog all the time. And I had roommates. I can't begin to imagine how horrible it would have been for me if I lived alone. My roommates truly saved me.
COVID of course messed up a lot of things for a lot of people, not just me. Even my Forté group was dwindling. One by one, people started dropping out and my peer group got smaller and smaller, until it was only me and our peer group advisor, who was fantastic and incredibly patient whenever we checked in with each other and my only update was "I'm still studying for the GMAT" which was barely happening. To be clear, I don't blame anyone for dropping out. Everyone has their own shit to deal with and I'm sure some people decided they didn't want or need to go to business school right now.
But I still managed to trick myself into thinking I could do it. I booked my GMAT for July and hired a consultant to keep me on track with my applications…because as a procrastinator, I do much better with external dependencies and I would hold the cost of hiring said consultant over my own head to guilt myself into doing the work.
We Summarize Things
Forté MBALaunch: A. Just apply. At most, you get a bunch of new friends you can keep in touch with before, during, and after your MBA. If you do literally nothing to engage with the community, you'll still get your ROI if you apply to more than two partner schools.
COVID: F- x100. Enough said.
The Two Tests
Haha, see what I did there?
In July, I was still essay-less, score-less, and relatively motivation-less. I was also still incredibly depressed, not just about my applications, but work, family, and general life, although I had occasional spurts of extreme focus and productivity where I was able to study. As the day of my GMAT exam approached though, I learned that GMAC (aka the governing body of the GMAT, which...who knew they needed a governing body but whatever) was allowing free cancellations because of COVID, and oops, there went my deadline and my motivation - I cancelled.
And then I had a funny idea. What if I switched things up and took the GRE instead? People said the GRE is easier and if that meant less studying to get a decent score, then it's foolproof right? Wrong, soooo wrong. The GRE is not easier. It's just a different test. I signed up to take the GRE online in August, still not having knocked out all the material I should have, and was absolutely destroyed. Another lesson learned: don't assume anything about anything because I made an ass out of me and me.
The standardized test gods to me:
By now, my consultant had also informed me that Tuck would be interviewing all applicants who submitted their application by September 1 (plus Ross’ deadline was only two weeks after that), so it was time to hustle on my essays if I could somehow eke out an acceptable exam score by then. The essays were easy though. Being a daughter of Asian immigrants and growing up in the Midwest, my past was rife with traumatic experiences I could pull from. Just kidding. Obviously the childhood sob story is not always the way to go because it can be cliché, but if there are experiences that made you who you are today, those are fair. Couple that with the fact that I have made so many mistakes at work and failed at life numerous times, and I had plenty of stories. Essays are really just stories. Of course, I say this as someone who enjoys writing and doesn't view it as work, so obviously it was easy for me. Apparently if something requires any kind of work, I won't do it. I'm so annoyed with myself.
With my essays sort of done, I knew I had to dive right back in to my exams. Most GMAT centers were closed or booked up for testing, so I had no choice but to take the online GRE. And it was BAD. After my very sad first attempt at the GRE, I scheduled a second exam immediately and I wound up with a slightly more acceptable score. It’s really amazing how learning a little bit of geometry boosted my score. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a good score, but it wasn’t abysmal. I didn’t feel comfortable submitting my score to Tuck or Ross though, so I ended up pushing back all of my applications to Round 2.
At this point, it was already September, and I was getting tired of exams. To be more accurate, I was getting tired of doing terribly on exams. Having basically no strategy for test taking besides just going at it again and again (which was getting expensive—did you know each test costs like $250?? Ridiculous) I ended up signing up for a GMAT class. In hindsight, I should’ve gone for the GRE class but my ego was like, “but wouldn’t it be cool if you aced the GMAT since people say it’s the harder test?” I’m an idiot. But nonetheless, I spent the next two months being forced to study both verbal and quant and it was something I should have done ages ago. Why am I so slow to make decisions? Who knows.
In the end, I still didn’t do well enough on the GMAT to feel comfortable submitting my scores to schools, so I switched over to the EA (aka GMAT Lite) since some of my classmates had taken the GMAT class for the EA. I literally took the EA one day before my application for Stern was due...so yeah, lots of unnecessary stress I put on myself there lol. But I pulled it off! Finally. There really isn’t a lot of data out there on EA percentiles besides “over 150 is good” but hey I’m not questioning it.
Sadly, most schools don’t accept the EA so my test taking hell still wasn't over. With the holidays fast approaching though, I basically just told myself I deserved a break and proceeded to do...nothing. Are you frustrated with me yet? I’m so mad at myself as I type this.
With a week left to go before my absolute last attempt at the GRE (I had already given up on the GMAT at this point because I didn’t want to take it online and in-person clearly wasn’t working for me), I finally snapped out of my holiday coma and started studying. Turns out my smooth brain didn’t forget everything I learned in my GMAT class, and I actually found much of the material and strategies were very applicable to the GRE. I don't know if it's totally fair to say this, but given that I took a GMAT class but ended up with awful GMAT scores and decent GRE scores, I’d say to take whichever class is cheaper because chances are the strategies are probably cross-compatible.
Anyway, by some miracle, I did it! I got an acceptable quant score, a decent verbal score, and a weirdly good score for analytical writing. Of course the section I scored best on is the section that no one cares about, but whatever, I was back in the game.
We Summarize Things
GMAT: D. It's horrible how much emphasis gets put on this exam during the MBA application process. And standardized testing in general is fucked up because it favors those who have the money and privilege to pay for prep materials, tutors/classes, and multiple attempts. The only reason I didn't rate this an F is the fact that the material and strategy is in my experience backwards compatible with the GRE, so you're basically studying for two exams in one.
GRE Rating: D+. Marginally better than the GMAT only because I did better on it. Also you don't have to use that garbage online whiteboard or buy a physical whiteboard if you take the exam online; you can just use a laminated piece of paper which is what I did.
EA Rating: C. Oops this section was supposed to be about the two tests, but the EA is basically the GMAT so...I think the title still applies. Anyway, the EA is a newer exam so there's very little percentile data available, which equates to less pressure. There's also no essay which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your strengths. I tend to do well on essays so...sucks for me. There's also no geometry on the test, which again can be good or bad. It was bad for me because it turns out I'm decent at geometry.
The Return of the Decisions
Waiting for my first interview invitations was surprisingly not painful. To be honest, once I submitted my applications, I just kind of forgot about them and went back to lounging on the couch. I received my first interview invite from Stern about three weeks after I submitted my application, which was a nice surprise to wake up to one day. Ross sent out emails letting applicants know when to expect interview invites, so I knew when to be watching/constantly refreshing my inbox.
My Stern interview was my first invited interview (I had initiated my interview with Fuqua) and probably my favorite interview. I was interviewed by an admissions committee member who had already read my application, so it was more fun for me to delve deeper into my "why." She was also the only interviewer I had who was a woman, so we were able to really get into women's representation in tech, how my mom and aunt inspired me as immigrants and women of color who have navigated long careers in very men-dominated industries, and why I care so much about mentorship.
After my Stern interview, I was on a total high. I was so sure I’d get an interview at Ross because I had attended their Women in Leadership Conference, my sister is a Michigan alumna, my profile fit with their tech placements, and I grew up an hour from Ann Arbor, but lo and behold, I was not invited for an interview. Which would mean I was either waitlisted or rejected. This seriously broke my heart.
When Ross brought me crashing back down to Earth with their lack of interview invite, I was pretty sure I was fucked. If Ross wasn’t going to interview me, there was no way Tuck and Kellogg would, and I just felt like regardless of how great I thought my Stern and Fuqua interviews had gone, I had probably bombed them. It’s so scary how this application process really messed with my sense of self worth.
I had pretty much given up hope that I would get in anywhere at this point, so you can imagine my shock when an interview invite for Tuck popped into my inbox a couple weeks later, and then a Kellogg invite a day after that. Of course, being the obsessive person that I am, I went digging into the forums and was slightly disheartened to find out that this wasn't that great of a feat since both schools have a reputation of trying to interview everybody who applies. But damn it if I was going to let that stop me! I think I present a lot better in person than on paper because I talk so much that eventually someone will like something I say, so in my mind, as long as I got a chance to interview, there might be hope.
And the universe really came through for me! When I got the news that I got into Stern, I immediately burst into tears and starting screaming. Like, my roommate heard me next door scream-sobbing as I called my mom. I wonder if adcoms like to hear those kinds of reactions. Too bad I'll never know because Stern didn't actually call me, I just got one of those ominous "your application has an update" emails. 😳 Actually, that's something that made me a little sad, because I really wanted to know what the experience would be like to get that phone call. Nevertheless, it was such a relief to know I was in somewhere and I wasn't stuck just bopping around for another year.
The month and a half between hearing back from Stern and hearing back from Tuck, Fuqua, and Kellogg was agonizing. It got to the point where I was having panic dreams about each school. On a side note, I find it hilarious to "analyze" my dreams because my mind is literally so simplistic: whatever it is I'm dreaming about is what I'm worried about. I never have those dreams where my teeth fall out or something, and someone's like, "That means you're worried about something!" because my brain is like, "Oh, are you worried about this thing? Let's think about it OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHILE YOU SLEEP HAHAHAHA" So yeah, those six weeks were not fun. Plus, I've always had a hard time compartmentalizing, so distracting myself with work was not helpful. THE ANTICIPATION.
After the longest six weeks of my life, I got in to Tuck and Fuqua! 😭 I also got my wish of receiving that admissions phone call, and I'm sure my response was very underwhelming lol. Such a bummer for the people who called me. I was so shocked all I could say was a combination of, "oh my god" and "thank you" and "I'm speechless." Honestly, it's two months later, and I still sometimes don't believe it.
Of course, the stress doesn't end when you get into school. At this point I don't think the stress will ever go away.
If you haven't picked up on it, I'm verrry anxious, so when decision time came around, it was paralyzing. Everyone always says it comes down to "fit," but how do you know what’s just good guerrilla marketing and what’s real? Tuck and Fuqua were pretty neck in neck in terms of career prospects, location, and the ~vibe check~. Throw Stern and Ross back into the mix (Ross eventually interviewed me and I got in! 😱 ) and it was just 🤯. Obviously a good problem to have, but stressful nonetheless.
Ultimately, I chose Tuck for a few reasons that have nothing to do with the programs or the people I met, but everything to do with me minimizing my regrets. That’s how you know you’re talking to (well, listening to) an anxious person: there’s a lot of “what if” happening. Or at least that’s how my anxiety manifests. For instance, while living in New York City would have been amazing, I would have been poor af (no scholarship from Stern - sad) and I just didn’t think I’d enjoy NYC without some kind of income because let’s face it, I’m a bougie bitch. Ross would have been the comfortable choice: I’d be an hour from home (hello, mom’s food and free laundry) and 30 minutes away from some of my best friends (and the dog!) but the point of going back to school for me was in many ways to branch out. Eliminating Fuqua was really the hardest one to do because I really fell in love with the school as the R2 deadline approached. I even made multiple spreadsheets to quantify what I wanted out of school. But as I was going through these exercises, in the back of my mind was a tiny voice going, “what would it be like to go to Tuck though?” and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t choose Tuck.
So here we are! It's been more than a year and a half of anticipation, self-doubt, excitement, sadness, and massive anxiety. I can only hope that this is all worth it in the end. Just kidding, I know it will be. And at the very least I get a two year sorta vacation from work, so I can't wait for that.
We Summarize Things - Learnings
There are a lot of great organizations dedicated to getting diverse candidates into MBA programs, such as Forté, MLT, Consortium, etc. It’s definitely worth applying to these. You can probably find one for any demographic, unless you’re a cis white man who works in consulting or banking, in which case you probably don’t need any help getting in 🤷🏻♀️
Be honest with yourself on your actual motivation to study. If you can't self-study, find some other external way to motivate you, e.g. class, a study group, tutor, owing your friends money, etc.
If you’re going to take a GMAT or GRE prep class, take it early. Like, springtime or earlier. You don't want to be like me, scrambling last minute to schedule tests while finalizing applications. That really sucked.
Applications aren't just essays, by the way. There's a lot of extra information to fill out, including short answer questions, so save enough time to get through those (at least a week imo).
Try to find a community of people who are also applying to MBAs or have done so already. It can be really lonely and it's nice to have people you can vent to who know the process. Even though my assigned Forté group didn't last, my advisor was amazing and I was able to lean on other Forté women for help post-application.
Apply to those diversity/women's conferences! Who knows how adcoms view these conferences, but I made a Bay Area friend through a women's weekend and she was a wonderful support system for me when I was floundering through my exams.
If you're struggling to come up with essay content, just open up a blank document and start writing. Like stream of consciousness writing. Something will come out of it.
Lean on your friends to tell you if your essays sound like you, especially the more nontraditional "essays" like Fuqua's 25 Random Things or Stern's Pick Six where you're supposed to show more personality. I pulled an all-nighter with my best friend in Hong Kong reviewing these and I honestly feel like they were not only my favorite essays to write, they ended up being my best submissions.
Overall...be honest about who you are as a person. When you're applying for things, there's this idea that you have to present a perfect version of yourself, but no one wants to hang out with someone who thinks they're perfect. Struggles are way more relatable.
You know in your gut what you want, so don't overthink it!
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