Socks in box on fox in talks

You know that shitty thing that no-show socks do where they slip off your heel and bunch up under the arch of your foot and ruin your day over and over again? I finally found no-show socks that actually. stay. up. This honestly might be my crowning achievement in life. Anyone who knows me knows I have looked for years for socks that don't fall down. I've been searching for them since middle school when I found out that having your socks show isn't cool.

Yes I put a bunch of socks in a box à la my article title

In my quest to find the perfect no-show socks, I've tried a lot of socks. And because socks are one of those things that no one will let you return once you've bought them (rightfully so), I have this massive collection of socks that mostly suck. So before I send them off to be recycled (don't throw textiles in the trash, folks!) I wanted to commemorate my journey.

Ann Taylor LOFT No Show Socks

Rating: A

Don't worry, they also come in plain colors :)

These socks are amazing. I don’t know how Ann did it, but she did it.

These are the only socks I’ve ever owned that don’t slip constantly. They’re comfy, rarely slip down (it really only happens if I didn’t put them on right in the first place), and are actually real socks (as opposed to that weird tights/nylon material), so you don’t have to worry about stinky shoes. These socks are probably in the mid to high range in what people would normally pay for socks (as of this blog post $9.50/2 pairs) but it’s 100% worth it to me.

Nike Everyday Lightweight Socks

Rating: D

Awful. This is the best word to summarize these socks and how they make me feel. They dig in to my foot yet somehow slip off basically immediately. I think the farthest I’ve ever gotten out of my house without them falling down is 10 steps. That’s how bad they are. They have that sticky strip thing at the back of the heel but it does basically nothing. At 3 pairs for $13, you’d expect more, but nope. The material is fine though.

Vans Canoodle Super No Show Socks

Rating: D+

Bad, but slightly less worse than the Nikes. Notice the words I chose. They’re not better, just not completely as terrible. And this is only because the material is slightly thicker and therefore I assume they would prevent stinky shoes slightly more. But I wouldn’t know, because they still take every opportunity to remind me they’re hanging out under the arches of my feet.

Costco no show socks

Rating: D-

Do these even count as socks? Where do your feet go?

Absolute trash. The second I put them on I knew they were trash. I probably should have known when I saw them that they were trash. I mean, look at them - especially those tan and black ones. I couldn’t take a single step without them falling down. Too bad it's Costco so they came in a pack of like a million. I love Costco so much, but these socks suck. They're that weird nylon material so it's like I'm wearing tights but only on my toes. The only reason these aren’t an F is because they came in lots of colors and varieties. And because I love Costco.

Daiso no show socks

Rating: C-

My coworker bought me these from Daiso because she was sick of hearing me bitch about my socks. They aren’t great, but one time when I ran out of Ann’s socks I fell back on these. They definitely fall down, but they last longer than the Nikes and Vans in that they fall down after 20 steps instead of 10. There's no sticky strip thing on the heel, but in my experience that thing doesn't do much anyway.

Steve Madden Low Cut Mesh No Show Socks

Rating: F

I think they put the logo on the bottom of these socks?

The way I feel about these socks is the way I feel about Steve Madden shoes. (Hint: I hate Steve Madden shoes). These socks look cheap and feel cheap, and knowing Steve Madden, they were probably expensive for socks that fall down immediately. I think someone gave these to me because they were also sick of my bitching about socks, so I’m pretty sure I didn’t pay for these, which is good for me. But too bad they sucked in every way possible.

I have no clue where these are from

Rating: C

There are only five because I lost one :(

As you can see from the bolded text, I have no idea where these are from. They might be from Target. They definitely don't stay up, but they were my best option from high school until a year ago when I discovered Ann's socks...so like, the better part of 10 years. Lately I've been falling back on these if I run out of normal socks to wear around the house, but never with shoes on unless I feel like being mean to myself. These aren’t remarkable enough that I'm going to keep them around, but in the spirit of Marie Kondo, I thank them for getting me through the tough times.

Wow okay, that was a long post. Most of my posts probably won’t be this long. I’m just incredibly passionate about socks apparently.

In closing: Ann Taylor LOFT no show socks are amazing. All other no-show socks belong in recycling.

Also here's a fox because I mentioned a fox in my title.